Live, Laugh, Love...

Sometimes letting things go is a far greater act than defending or hanging on...

Eckhart Tolle

Your experiences cannot tell you who you are:

they do not define you in anyway

you are not which you experience

you are not a victim of your experiences

there is an essential essence, a core within you that is not touchable by any experience

this is why happyiness cannot be affected by exterior circumstances

 happiness is a fragrance rising from this core essence

this is who you really are..

  Never be afraid to fall apart, because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along. 

 Before speaking, notice what motivates your words, my words motivate my life.

Patience is not a virtue, every moment you spend being patient you will never get back..it is a moment lost forever...you can be as patient as you want when you are dead...and never, ever, accept the word no...because if you do, you are only a fool to yourself...don't let your soul be held back by anyone or anything. 

Jules xxx 

The Best Things Aren't Things

See this.

 Specifically: the sparkly sea at the beginning...and the hair toss at the end. 
When we shake it all off..
you and me, bebe. 
We can do anything for a short period of time.
The night won't last forever.
As long as you can see that sparkly sea and the hair toss in your immediate future.
It's not easy.    
But it isn't forever.  
And it's shiny and silky at the end.
Soon...
You know the drill.
Headphones.
Watch.  Listen.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQfnAwFG6Jw&ob=av2n

The best things in life aren't things
To live in, to breathe in
The best things in life aren't things
That's something you can believe in
Do you believe me?
Do you believe me when I say
Tonight won't last for long?
And soon it will be gone
But I won't leave you alone, no, no
Whenever you call me, whenever you need me
Wherever you wander until you see me
I'll be waiting, I'll be waiting for you
For you, for you, for you
The best things in life aren't things
The laughing and crying
The best things in life aren't things
They're frightened, they're still fighting
Do you believe me?
Do you believe me, yeah, when I say
Tonight won't last for long?
Soon it will be gone
But I won't leave you alone, no, no
Whenever you call me, whenever you need me
Wherever you wander until you see me
I'll be waiting, I'll be waiting for you
For you, for you, for you
You said that you were leaving
But it's alright, it's alright
You said sorry
But it's alright, yes, it's alright
The best things in life aren't things
Broken and bleeding
The best things in life aren't things
They're chosen to believe in
So whenever you call me, whenever you need me
Wherever you wander until you see me
I'll be waiting, I'll be waiting for you
For you, for you, for you
Yours.
AAF, NMW

I'm in the wrong place, and I know it...Part 2

A long time ago, I wrote a short story called "I'm in the Wrong Place, and I Know It." 

If I had known then what I know now.  I sooooooo didn't understand what I was talking about.  I freely admit that the story was about lust.  This one...this little bit of mental detritus...this little story...is about love, and friendship, and caring; the likes of which I've never known. 

People talk at me...about "process."   They talk about letting things happen, about not pushing "it."

I say, "Thank you very much.  But you don't get me anymore.  I am not who you think I was, any more."

I don't know if I can make sense out of the million jumbled thoughts ricocheting around inside my skull, but I will try.

Tonight Jules went to sleep, and I watched a movie.  Well, part of my brain watched it.  The best part of my brain did what I needed it to do.  It paused.  It looked around, and it made some notes.

In this movie, I watched the 60-something year old actress portray, with heart-wrenching acuity, her regret at the single most important bad choice she had made in her life.  It wasn't the poor ethical decision she made.  It was the decision to settle.  And she made it out of fear, or desperation, or maybe self-pity...who knows.  She recognized that she wasn't going to be offered what she wanted, and so, she settled.  To my mind, that was her crime.

 

I noted the comfort and ease in which she lived.  I acknowledged that it was eerily similar to the way that I live.  The slippery slidey slope...that landed both of us in a dung heap of wretchedness.

Mind you, it's a very pretty slope.  It's filled with loads of nice things and it doesn't require too much effort.  It may well be the place you want to retire to.  And I'm not saying that because I'm bragging.  I've worked hard.  Very hard...the last 30 odd years for everything that I have.  I used to be very proud of all of it.  Now...I really couldn't care less.

I looked around at all I could see.  Everywhere I looked, something was lacking.  It's empty, all of it, save one little bit.  That little bit is having her own life.  Hopefully she heard me whisper to her, every night as I laid her down in her crib and then her big girl bed; "You do not need a man to validate your life.  You are strong, and smart.  No one ever died from being alone.  But souls do die from lonlieness."   I'll be damned if I'm going to wreck the decades I've spent teaching her the lesson I apparently never really learned till now.

This house.   My sunny, warm, lemon and raspberry colored little nest; is a silent, joyless, bottomless pond and I am just a big fat Koi circling endlessly around and around.  Forever searching for someone elses leftover breadcrumbs and gasping for air.  I think it's very ironic and telling that I spend 95% of my waking hours outside of my sunny, warm little nest.  Out of doors, in the Morning Room or by the pool.  

I looked around.  I looked at myself.  And I realized...I'm in the wrong place. 

Almost 25 years ago, I did exactly what I contemplate doing now.  I sold everything I owned.  I quit my job.  I said my goodbyes and  I  bought a one-way ticket.  It was the best decision I ever made.  It changed my life.  No, it saved my life.

Now...oh, now...I think the worst threat to my health is emotional ennui.  The death of the soul.  Death by lonlieness.  

And I don't want that.  I still think she has some kick in her.  And somewhere out there tonight under this beautiful Moon lies a woman who believes that I still have something small, and warm, and a bit mushy to give.  My heart, my bits...my soul.

Ironically, had I not returned back here, I never would have met Jules.  And that would have been, well, tragic.  And possibly fiscally damaging for the sex toy industry.  But that's a tale for another blog post.

Tonight, as I look around and I think "Why the hell do I have that, and can I sell it on Ebay???"  I know I have somehow reached a tipping point.  I know that I don't regret any of my past...it's lead me almost full circle (off by about 250 KM) to where I am today.  Watching her sleep in our bed.  Wishing I was there, bum to bum.  Cold feet and all.

Plotting and planning and reminding myself that it's ok to pause.  That making notes is a good thing. 

And so even though I have lost my way here, and not found my way there. (yet)

Even though I'm in the wrong place.  And I know it...

I have hope.  And a lot of Frequent Flyer miles.  And a soul that still wants to lick.  err....kick.

And I have one more thing.

I have love.  And it has me.

Always, and forever, no matter what.

Happy Anniversary!!!

I'm sure it's bad form to post twice in one day.

In fact, I'm sure I read that in Blogging For Dummies. 

I don't care.

It's been one year since you cornered me in that chat room.

One year since we met.

And I can't NOT shout, and scream, and pant from my roof top.

 

Happy Anniversary my sweet love!

Here's to you, and to us, and to many more.  

But next time...I hope we'll be celebrating side-by-side.

Bum-to-bum in our bed.  And there will be petals.  And feathers.

And laughter.

And a flying butt plug.

And...ily.

It's a shame I'm so shy

Or I'd let you see my eyes, which are laughing...

It's Lunch Time...Lets Play!

It's lunch time, your hungry & so am I. I think we should eat don't you?

Food play...or rather fruit play...haven't done it in a long time...and I'm Horny for it now...

Can you lock the door for 10 mins? Not get disturbed? Can you read this in one go, without being interrupted? You have to promise though...you won't touch yourself.

I walk into your office & close the door behind me, locking it...you need a break baby...& a release. Grinning I walk over to you, lift your hair away from your neck and nuzzle my mouth into your soft skin, moving round to the nape of your neck. You need to take that jacket off seriously so I can see the pretty white camisole. I open the container I brought with me, mmmmmm does it look nice? all freshly prepared fruit, for you & I. You look beautiful, good enough to eat. I take a grape out & hold it out towards your mouth, I trace the outline of your lip with it, then slowly push half of it into your mouth so you can nibble on it. Don't eat it all greedy, I want some. I move in close to your lips, nibble on the other end & kiss you.

The camisole's lovely but time to take it off as I lift it up & over your shoulders before you can say anything... sorry...I miss your breasts, I need them...& I know they need me...after unclipping your bra so it falls away..I can't do anything for a minute but stare at the twins...hoping my obsession with them never waivers. I take another piece of fruit from the container, this time a juicy piece of Melon...it's so ripe & ready like your breasts, the juice runs down my fingers...I use it to toy with your nipple, moving the melon around, watching the juice slowly drip down your breast. Mmmmm lean back in your chair baby, enjoy this...this is what lunch time is all about. I squash the remainder of the melon against your breast, then lean in to take your nipple in my mouth. I love sucking on your nipple, teasing it around in my mouth, gently biting on it, playing with the bar, tugging it into my mouth. I lick up the melon juice and swallow the remnants of melon that surrounds your nipple. Does that feel nice? aroused you slightly? I take a second piece of melon & do exactly the same to your other breast. Both your nipples are standing to attention now, they know I am here.

I move my fingers to your mouth & slowly slide them through your lips...suck on them baby...taste the melon juice...you know how much it drives me crazy when you suck on my fingers/your fingers. Are you getting wet? I hope so...because I am...but that's not enough...I want you soaked...I want you dripping before I fuck you.

Open your legs for me...I want to rub you...tease you a little.

Mmmmm so inviting...I move in and just rub around your pussy area with my hand..playing with the trousers material, moving it up & down across your pussy...I unzip you & take your slacks off...much better...you have panties on though...they are sheer & I can see your curl hidden behind. I move my hand underneath your panties and slowly up so I can tug at the curl...Want to play? Want to get laid?

I start to remove your panties with my teeth, with your help as you maneuver around, shuffling in your chair...once they reach your thighs, I remove them completely with my hands...Mmmmm open wider baby...let me see your pussy glisten.

I take a handful of grapes out of the fruit container & grin at you...what do you think I'm going to do with these? I put them back down for a minute...and get out a small silk scarf from my pocket...I'm taking one of your senses away from you..no sight...not for now...just touch mainly.

After gently tying the scarf around your head to cover your eyes, my fingers search for your clit...Mmmm it's very wet down there, did you know? I slide my fingers inside you quickly, moving them around, listening to you gasp, opening you up. Not too fast baby...I don't want you grinding down on my fingers...you have to wait, be patient, get soaked for me.

Do You want to rub yourself?  Touch yourself? Don't...not yet...just keep reading.

I pick a grape up...& push it inside your wet, inviting pink opening....does that feel nice?

Then another, and another...one by one I slide another grape inside you, as many as I can, until I'm stretching you...& you're begging me no more.

I get on my knees in front of you...move my face right into your crotch & start to lick your opening..nuzzling my tongue inside to get at the grapes....to take them out...to eat them... one by one...to eat you...Mmmmmm I love the taste of your juices all over the grapes.

Trouble is...as much as I love your moaning...you are going to disturb the workers.

Time for a gag baby...you can thank me later...
Now...can I get on with eating you? and the grapes?

Your  juices are all over my face now...as I fight to get all the grapes out of your pussy.

Don't cum...not yet...you can't...as much as I know you want to...patience baby...patience.

I can see you clit is swollen, your pussy swollen...your juices dripping down your thighs...& down my face as I take the last grape out of you & eat it...

Want to come now Baby? Want me to fuck you? How you like it? How I love to fuck you?

Stand up, lean over that tidy desk of yours, spread your legs, put your ass in the air. I want you..I want to fuck you...I want to make you cum now...Mmmmmm I love rimming you. Making you squirm...Trying to tease my tongue inside your ass.

Does that feel good? Want my fingers? How many? one? Maybe two?

I coat my fingers with your juices....after delving underneath you & back to your pussy...Moving back to your asshole...Sliding & pushing my fingers inside your hole. I love playing with your ass, opening you up, ready for me. I slide another finger inside your hole, working it. opening it up..making it bigger...with my other hand I reach for the fruit container...& take out a Banana...under ripe..so its firm..strong.

Suck on it baby...show me how you suck a man off...Turn me on more.

Now I'm going to fuck you...

I take my fingers out of your ass hole but replace it quickly with the tip of the banana. Does that hurt? can you take more?  you're going to...I slide it slowly past your muscle...Mmmmmmm now your mine...now you're ready. I lean into you..my breasts touching your back...I'm whispering into your ear...dirty talk...nasty talk...

I push the banana in and out...harder, deeper...my other hand reaches round to your front..I want to toy with your clit as I fuck you in the ass. I get hold of your clit with my fingers...pulling on it, twisting it, rubbing it. 

Now Cum for me baby...Cum for me while I fuck your ass hard & deep & rub your clit. I want to hear those muffled moans...see your legs fold...feel your hole tighten on the banana...feel your clit swell...when you cum...when your orgasm takes over you & you shudder.

I can feel your clit throbbing on my fingers as you get your release...mmmm I lick my fingers & taste you on them...I lean down. I know your sensitive, but you have carry on working when I go..so I need to lick you dry, lick all your sex away...I get up & kiss you...can you taste yourself? do you know how fucking good you taste?

Did that feel good? Are you horny as fuck now? Are you soaked?

Can you go to the toilet?  Get some privacy? 

Touch yourself for me...take a pic...send it me...play a little.

Do you know how wet I am right now? After typing this to you.

Do you want me to let you in on a secret?

I played with myself as I wrote this.

I'm not just wet...I'm soaked.

I came.

I got my release.

Now I want you to somehow get yours.

I Love You Baby.

& I want you.

Next time..I want to take you on that sofa of yours...

aaf...ats...J xxx

This is your ass on pink

Your ass has been rolling around on this bed for hours.  

It's been teased.  
Kissed, licked and bitten.
Fed, watered, bathed and massaged with creams.
     And then finally...   

  spanked.    

Kitchen Witch

My Beautiful Z

The Kitchen Counter

It was Wednesday night.

We've come home from a long 2 days of chocolate, and wine, and good food...

and "someone needs a muzzle,"

and..."we can never go back there again!"

We are wanting to sleep in our own bed...

We decide to have a drink and a smoke before we went to sleep.  In the kitchen.

Funny how a lot of groping happens in the kitchen.

How I turn, and I look at you...and I am starved.

Just to touch you.

To feel my fingers slipping over your clothes, skimming your skin, delving into your hair.  

Palming and cupping you.

I'm spun around, my hands automatically reach for the furthest edge of the counter top.

My back arches.  Offering.

No, I am begging.

And you are too kind, Madam.  You indulge my every whim.

You stroke up the backs of my thighs which makes me purr....

like a kitten.

Your hands follow my curves, over my hips, my waist, my ribcage.

They push between the counter top and my breasts.  Tweaking.  Twisting.

Sliding to the waistband of my panties.  Tugging up, hard and high.

Making me arch my back again, tilt my hips up.

I feel the lightest touch, gliding across my crotchless panties and pushing them down,

to collapse at my feet.

They wanted to be there anyway.

Another light touch, this one on my back.  I feel you whisper in my ear.

Something dirty and nasty.  I feel those words sink into my head.

And I feel the cream leak out of my pussy.

Fingers...firmer now.

I sense your urgency, I feel it well up inside me at the same time.

Your fingers push inside of me, parting my wet folds and plunging deep into the heart of me.

Like your words, they are welcome because they make me wetter and wetter.

I know what you want to do.

And I want it too.

So badly.

I feel them circling my ass.

Pressing in.  Pushing in.

I open, I stretch, I relax back into you.

As you move into me.

Possessing me.  Taking me.

Naughty words again.

I'm panting and fucking back on your fingers.  Two deep in my ass.

I throw my head back and my hair spills across my back.

You rub your face in it.

All the while fucking my ass harder and harder.

My hips move toward you, wanting more and more.

Three fingers open me wide up and push me to my limit.

I'm about to cum when my eyes fly open.

I feel the warm stone top beneath my breasts.  The hard edge hitting my hips as I pump them.

My legs bumping and brushing against yours.

My thighs so slick with my own honey that they squish together.

I see your hand bracing yourself on the countertop next to me.

I feel you behind me.  Around me.  Inside of me.

And I know I am yours.

The knowledge of all of that releases me.

I'm free.  And I fly.  And take you with me.

Constant Sky, Spinning Earth

The earth beneath me spins, but the sky is constant.

I think I should let go of what I have always been bound to, and reach for the clouds.